I haven’t written in a long time. I haven’t written in more than a year. three weeks ago i had no choice but to write. The loss of my free will pushed me from my depression to slash and murder my feelings on paper and keyboard. I haven’t feel better or worth life in a long time. depression is a big problem. Thanks to everyone who never left me even when i pushed them away. I’m currently in the process of healing and self loving, will write soon.
Elizabeth “Beth” Murphy
Today I woke u happy. Twas a normal day. Bitches were bitches and hoes were hoeing. I hardly get pissed. Imagine being surrounded by mediocre pussies and hoes I hate and I still do my shit.
I put my hand into my backpack and caress my neighbor’s revolver. “Oh bitches, guess christmas came early” I sing to myself in a voice only I can hear. I look up and see fucking Davidson is finished droning about her dog and its disgusting hard on. I get up from my sit, leave the class and put on my earphones. I walk down the hallway to the closest bathroom and lock myself in, take out my revolver, slip the release and check the cylinder although I know its fully loaded. I’ve never used a gun before. I bet the force will throw me off my feet when I pull the trigger.
Time to play
I have photography class next with the dogs. Just them and some other fucks. I walk into the class, deliberately late, look at them through my hooded bangs as I shut the door and turn the lock. They all stare at me with mocking expressions. I bring out my gun and I hear a bitch gasp in fear. Obviously
“That’s right”. I say as I give them my best smile. I aim at the girl with pink hair closest to the wall and pull the trigger. BANG! She drops as residues of her brain stain the wall. And BANG! another drops.
I think the skinny guy behind pink haired girl just peed his pants. Ok. Yeah. He did.
When I’m done and I’ve left the zone. I look at the scene in front of me. Its pretty impressive. I think of what’s gonna happen next. The media will dissect every reason they can think of on why I just cleansed the world. And they’ll never know. They think they will. You think you will. But only I will. I can hear screams outside the door and shouting.
I was always crazy from the beginning. The boys seemed to like it; my mysterious personality, I never returned phone calls, never bothered about shitty lady like behaviors, I had a wicked sense of humor girls hated and I always said the right thing to the guys. I wasn’t easy, if you could put up with my wild gruesome imagination, you were gold, if not, aloha. I knew I wasn’t special but I was different up a notch, I never broke records or limits, I set new ones, I wanted to be Christian Grey instead of Anastasia, I wanted to be Thor instead of Jane.
I didn’t have a lot of friends. Most of them were boys and honestly speaking being Me, a lot of’em wanted to be more than friends. A lot of the girls I knew I couldn’t be friends with. I was a fighter. Always wanted to be the best not because I wanted to do it for myself but because my family expected it. I think its one of the reasons I wanted to wake up one day and be a psycho. So I wouldn’t be the only not-fucked-up-yet child.
I’d never been in a serious relationships before and after him. He was just him, unserious, claiming to care and never satisfying but I held on. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Me wouldn’t put up with his bullshit, Me would’ve dumped his sorry ass. Me would be doing shots with his replacement and probably be playing mind games with his replacement’s replacement. But he just kept pulling and I couldn’t pull back. He never called and when he did, he only wanted to make out.
I thought, how do people do this. How do become fucked up, how do you use people and not feel anything, how do you stop being treated like the back up child who must screw up or the kissing doll who’s only needed once in a blue moon. How do you stop yourself from loving that very wrong person, how do you stop yourself from slicing your wrist if its the only way for you to be seen.
……. haunted Me
Its a new year and a brand new me, or so it goes i guess. pretty sure its from Glee, the final season premiered last night. I’m so bummed but happy because since the death of the amazing Cory Monteith, the show just lost track of storyline and really sucked.
To start off my year, I’m adding a new category to share my daily jam with ya’ll. I listen to really weird stuff sometimes so sorry in advance. I’ve been hearing a lot about FKA TWIGS, mostly for dating Rob Pattinson but I wanna know her for her music.
I’ll also check out Hozier a lot, since I’m in love with Take me to church.
Then there’s Nick Jonas. who skied into my heart with Jealous. I seriously love that boy…… oooops “Man”.
If you’ve got any sick jam you want me to hear, HOLLA!!!!
By Beth Murphy.
Instagram and Twitter : @alyzerbeth
I got this link from someone named Kingpins on my BBM list and was asked to publicize. As a blogger who wants to expand her readership, I feel an obligation to help publicize whoever owns his or her own blog. So check it out, it has a really catchy design.
So please visit the blog sometime.
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I’ve been stuck for a while. I’ve been put away like a file. Its nobody’s fault but mine.
I’ve been lazy, everything is hazy. Been broke, thinking about next weeks’ expenditure. I’ve been careless, and I might not have a lot of devoted readers, I owe the net an apology.
I can’t promise to be good. I can’t promise to be sane, I can’t promise to be there but I can promise I’m not going elsewhere.
So now I’m gonna get back to homework and listen to August Alsina and the Weeknd music.
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.